How to be more comfortable in your body… 10 easy steps
Being naked and experiencing a sense of complete liberation is what we’re striving for here! There are two ways of having the body you’re happy with:
1. Do all the necessary steps to change (which will be explained below)
2. Learn to accept what you have and love it like it is your only treasure and not change a thing.
These statements may seem to be easily read but they are two of the most challenging experiences any of us can go through. Living in a society that will not simply accept what we are and who we are makes us second guess our gut feelings and leave us with a feeling of not being good enough.
Here are 10 steps to challenging your beliefs, society’s beliefs and helping you be comfortable with who you are that much easier. By applying these principles you won’t need to take that trip to the plastic surgeon and the impact will revolutionize your life. Keep in mind that the focus is about getting more comfortable with your body.
1. Intensify your senses: an extraordinary part of making love to someone is the sensation of touch. By awakening your sensual side outside of the bedroom will assist you in becoming more aware of how you are in the world both inside yourself and in relation to others. Focus on getting in-touch with how things feel rather than constantly focusing on how things look. By being more mindful in life will allow you to be more in the moment and savour every second that it may last e.g: when eating your meal, close your eyes for a second and take note of all your senses working, or when you have a bath or shower take note of all the sensations you feel when you lather up your favourite loafer and press it against your skin. By focusing on this daily mindfulness will not only allow you to become a better lover but also more in touch with your internal sensations regardless of how big you think your butt looks?
2. Five minutes of flat out exercise: a recent study has shown that 5 minutes of intensive all out exercise has the same and if not better results that taking an hour out for a run. This shows us that there is no excuse for not wanting to find the time to include exercise in our lives. The process of this 5 minute vigorous exercise will help us lose weight, release all the necessary feel-good chemicals in our brain and even make us more available to intimate moments with our partners… they will never experience you being so sexy with this new found vigour!!
3. Be kind to yourself: how often do you find you are being punishing towards yourself both in your dialogue and in the way you are towards yourself physically? It has also been found that by being kinder to yourself mentally and physically promotes greater recovery in illness and injury and moreover greater recovery in mental health.
4. Wear clothes that make you feel sexy and adopt the who cares policy: Clothing can often be seen as a reflection of our internal states. What better opportunity is there to frame the greatest masterpiece with something that makes you feel sexy… because the greatest masterpiece is in-fact your body! And remember, that although you may not be that size zero that is found in every magazine, men truly prefer a woman to be completely in touch with themselves and happy with who they are than the later.
5. If you have the time, catch up on ZZZzz: being tired not only affects your mind but your body too, moreover your overall performance in any area of your life including lovemaking! Sometimes sleeping is more beneficial than going to the gym as our muscles (don’t forget the brain is a muscle) regenerate and repair themselves mostly in our sleep. This will allow you to be more comfortable in your skin and not be perceived as being an emotional wreck due to lack of sleep.
6. Look and love in the mirror: we often just pass a mirror on our way out in the morning or when we’re getting ready, but how many times do we stand and actually admire what we have been given! Looking from a forgiving and caring eye is completely different from viewing oneself from a critical perspective—because even a flawless diamond still has a flaw. By taking a loving stance towards your body and looks will allow you to surrender to what and who you are, loving the good and the bad making you a richer and fuller individual.
7. Take the time to become familiar with your body: men are fortunate in this situation where they are more attuned to being “in touch” with their sex—women on the other hand are often terrified of their own sex and sexuality. By taking the time to figure out which parts are where and how they appreciate being touched will assist you in coming to terms with any insecurities you may have, also allowing you to be more available to bring your whole self into contact with your partner leading to a more intimate self.
8. M@sturbate: I believe that every woman would want to delay menopause or future dysfunction, so why not learn to create a relationship with one of the best mechanisms of stress relief… Masturbation. There is absolutely no con to this process, because every product from masturbation can only assist you in becoming less concerned about physical imperfections leaving you more available to receive pleasure and give pleasure.
9. A change of the lens: Photoshop has become a popular word when it comes to taking photos, and in general one of the first things we do when we Photoshop a photo is provide a tan. There are amazing products on the market that can aid in just that… give yourself a great glow all year round, finding a self-tan or spray that suits your skin tone to make yourself more pleasing to your own eye. This will also allow you to be more ready to take your clothes off for summer and in the face of someone who you want to see you naked!
10. learning to trust yourself and your gut: we often hear how people are more guarded and don’t trust others because of bad past experiences, however this is not a problem with an untrustworthy person, but more a problem we have as individuals not trusting our own gut or better judgement. By learning to become more attuned to our needs, wants and desires, and especially listening to that little voice that is usually screaming at us not to do something or to go for it we automatically safe guard ourselves from getting hurt. By listening to our bodies will allow a deeper sense of trust and gratitude to develop which will help us in any situation and maintain a constant feel of comfort from within.
A helpful reminder is that it’s not about loving the perfect person but loving the imperfect person perfectly… and the same applies to us. If we love our imperfections as much as our perfections we have a sure recipe for success on every front.
How to know you are you dating a narcissist
Always keep in mind that narcissists can be either men or women, this is not mutually exclusive to a particular gender.
Have you found yourself in a relationship with someone who no longer understands you? Someone who you no longer understand? Was the relationship too good to be true in the beginning? A prince in shining armour or a princess you have always dreamed of, that later turned into a critical, demeaning and cruel individual?
Does everything seem to be about him or her?
Do you feel like your love life is an emotional rollercoaster filled with ups and downs and never with the feeling of stability and tranquillity? Do you find yourself in a repetitive cycle of loving someone who doesn’t love you the same, or they come across like Dr. Jekyll and Mr/Mrs Hyde?
Have you found that the relationship has impacted you so greatly that you no longer recognise the person who you once were? Is the sexy, confident, happy, outgoing individual nowhere to be found?
If you answer yes to most of these questions then it is more than likely that you are dating a narcissist who has impacted you greatly.
There are a number of things to look out for if you are in a relationship with a narcissist:
1. Does he/she blow hot and cold? Does he/she become distant and silent only to go back to their old ways and showering you with lots of attention?
2. Does their erratic behaviour leave you wondering if they have someone else, and does your gut feeling tell you they cannot be trusted?
3. Are your needs met with insensitivity, your input unappreciated, or your accomplishments no matter how big or small always left unacknowledged? Does your giving, caring, kindness and thoughtfulness always go unappreciated and unrecognised? Does your life feel uninteresting in your partner’s eyes?
4. Can you never do anything right in their eyes, and are you constantly made to feel guilty when you have clearly done nothing wrong?
5. Do you ever feel that you are in love with someone constantly giving you mixed signals and never knowing where you stand from one minute to the next?
6. Were you placed on a pedestal only to be stripped naked to your core with no reason or warning? Were you seduced by their overly caring, intensely tentative and seducingly addictive manner of containing you, only later to discover that your needs are never met with any empathy or care?
7. Have you grown into someone who constantly walks around on tender hooks with anxiety and worry not to rock the boat, always wondering what you say and do next will trigger the cycle you have become stuck in?
You need to ask yourself the question… Am I in a relationship with a narcissist?
Narcissism is a word that is used too frequently nowadays, often in the vein of attempting to describe a partner who presents with erratic behaviour usually in how they relate to us. But what is a true narcissist…
In my experience, narcissists are individuals who need perfect mirroring, perfect stroking of their ego, perfect responses. They need constant control and this can manifest itself in controlling you too. Whenever they are injured ‘emotionally’ or insulted, they will typically withdraw or isolate themselves very seldom allowing for a proper discussion to develop and resolve the situation. They often do not realise that their withdrawal from the situation evokes anxieties (often unconscious) in others, especially in significant other relationships.
Narcissists are driven by the need to be liked, desired, and appreciated. They isolate themselves emotionally or physically and constantly fear the loss of ‘specialness’. Easily injured or outraged when not properly understood and are dominated by guilt and self-hatred coupled with idealized and omnipotent fantasies.
Preoccupied with a loss of self-regard, while having an over investment in self, and will do anything to preserve a sense of specialness. This prompts them to prove themselves by isolation from others and concentration on perfection, power and omnipotence. This withdrawal is accompanied by a desperate need to be desired and appreciated. They can become easily injured, insulted and outraged when their partner does not properly mirror or understand and appease them.
The only way in which the narcissist can be healed is if they are skilfully guided away from the guilt, exhibitionism and arrogance and leading them towards a resurgence of natural curiosity.
There are two central issues for the narcissist:
1. They have an inner child who is constantly searching for a sense of a missing entitlement in life.
2. They seek out others to confirm and justify their exaggerated ‘entitlement’ fantasies and distortions that the world is deeply indebted to them e.g. “why should I try getting a measly bar job? You know how talented I am! I’m going to be an actor or actress!
Narcissists’ in “love” are highly invested on an emotional level in someone who has qualities that they wish to have or had and no longer poses (beauty, power, organization, sense of self, ability to be alone). The narcissist then tries to own/possess these qualities through envy. They seek out love relationships with someone who will often show qualities that they are lacking in themselves.
Although painful, being with a narcissist can also be highly charged on an erotic level: because of their tendency to stir up envy and greed in others due to withholding from their partners, combined with charm to lure their partners back into the so-called “loving” relationship. This leaves partners of narcissists’ confused and feeling abandoned. The highs can be very high and the lows can be very low, leaving the person constantly in a state of questioning themselves.
Always keep in mind that in “Love” relationships they tend to distort and misperceive the good intentions of others. Therefore the best approach to a narcissist is containing them so that they can make good use of perceptions and experiences, and to take some control over their own destinies.
If this is the path you wish to take with your narcissistic partner, be warned that this will more often than not lead to a difficult and tiresome journey which will render you feeling more helpless and burnt-out. If you recognise that you are dating a true narcissist and they will not see a therapist to assist them in understanding the way in which they relate with you, find a therapist for yourself to help you strengthen yourself to leave!
It is truly unfortunate in these circumstances to take such a drastic stance and recommend leaving, however from my extensive experience with narcissistic personality disorders it takes a truly skilled therapist to uncover the depths of the narcissist and assist them in the healing process—but this is only if they want to!
This is by no means an issue that cannot be resolved, however it will take time, patience, more effort than the “normal” person is willing to provide.
Most of the studies completed on Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) are more about light intake that rainy weather. However most of us have the perception that a gloomy day holds gloomy feelings and a terrible gloomy mood to follow.
By taking the time to actually stop and look at the rain we can be marvelled by the tranquil feeling it can induce in us. We naturally feel more relaxed, more tranquil and more often than not wanting to retreat to our beds because it makes us sleepy. Our immediate reaction to this sleepiness is that the rain has made us feel this way, but on the contrary this is your body’s natural reactive mechanism to the environment it is in. this reaction follows the amount of stress and strain your body has been placed under, so we naturally (subconsciously) make this association that the wet weather is a cause to our rainy blues.
Unfortunately, the hum drum of day to day life forces us to be more in our heads (thinking and processing all the time) rather than in our bodies, where we carry all our emotions and stress. By being more present with our bodies allows us to understand our emotional state and dissolve some of the pent up frustration and difficult emotions (anger, resentment, guilt, shame etc…). By being in our heads constantly we often have so much going on that we forget to listen to our internal voice (or dialogue) which is key to how we relate to any given situation be it rain or sunshine. By not listening to this internal voice prevents us from truly understanding what difficulty we are harbouring within and later we begin finding associations “like the weather” to blame our mood or dark feelings on.
A great tool to stop this mechanism of relating to our environment negatively (and in this case the weather) is through affirmations. Let’s say that our internal voice is constantly moaning about things, we are more than likely expressing these feelings throughout the day a million and one times (keep in mind that this is subconsciously most of the time). So the times when you begin using an affirmation e.g. “ thank you for such a beautiful day (rain or shine), for it to work effectively means that you firstly have to believe in the message you are being thankful for and secondly be so conscious and so present with your statement that it slowly but surely will begin overtaking the other damaging dialogues and begin feeding into your overall wellbeing.
Another great tool is surrendering to the fact that the weather is not as you’d hoped it to be. Surrendering is not a bad thing (because it does sound like failure) but more about acceptance and not fighting the inevitable. Once we have arrived at the point of acceptance or surrendering to the inevitable, this allows us to experience a sense of freedom where we are not bound by any external circumstance especially the weather—This later leads onto understanding that we have a freedom in our choices and we can react in any way to the situation we encounter, not only the weather but in every situation.
On a final note if worse comes to worst… on a rainy day there is nothing better than having a snuggle with someone we love