50 Shades of grey… What does it mean to be a man?

50 Shades of grey… What does it mean to be a man?

When I picked up my copy of 50 shades of grey, I was pleasantly surprised to see a closer depiction of traits I feel all men have lost in this whole metrosexual movement. Please don’t take me wrong, I am a man who likes to look after himself and I do use face cream and like to smell great… but this way of being and relating to myself has all been handed down to me by my father, uncle and grandfather not as a consequence of metro sexuality-but more a consequence of how real men SHOULD be!

The only difference is that I would classify my role models as real men… more the Steve McQueen (actor) type, rugged good looks but yet with a sense of style, sophistication and the overall sense that “I am a man… and don’t mess with me!”.

It is no wonder that women’s glossies have so much to talk about regarding the shortcomings of men and how they are not living up to the standards that women put out there. Its staring all men in the face why this is… if you need me to spell it out for you here it goes!

Women have worked harder, face adversities in every male context and pushed to get to a point of equality and slowly but surely passing men to take their positions in the work place, in the home and even adopting more masculine ways of relating to others and the world.

I have a little voice in my head that says “well if the men out there aren’t going to be masculine, someone has to do it”.

I couldn’t agree more with my little voice. But what concerns me is that instead of men actually doing something about this, none that I have met (except for the ones I help in therapy) are actually willing to advance themselves and take the bull by the horns and re-establish some kind of balance between the masculine and feminine.

I truly believe that the masculine is designed to be a container for the feminine, and to many this may sound as “oh… he wants men to be above women again!” I by no means want men to be above women in the negative sense, but when I get plenty of women coming to see me and seeking for a man who is more alpha and masculine than they are, it makes me wonder what the hell is going on!…

Going back to 50 shades of grey… the appeal for me in this book is the strength and masculinity portrayed by the protagonist, but yet recognising the absolute position of power and responsibility he has in keeping his “possession” safe, healthy, happy and especially sexually satisfied.

I would love to argue this out with a number of women whose ears would prick up at this, because essentially I feel that many want to be in a relationship where a man can contain their tumultuousness and moods and behaviours AND make them feel like goddesses and free to explore themselves. Shouldn’t this be the case that all men should have grown into masculine entities with the ability to do exactly that… love absolutely everything about their women as though they were their prized possessions and be contained and strong enough in themselves not to be little wimps about it???

I leave you with this statement… there are fewer and fewer men out there who are willing to advance themselves as readily as women have over the last 100 years and shouldn’t we think about how we can help them do this… I surely am!! This is just the beginning.


Have a look at our 10 weeks to Amazing Sex Programme at: http://www.harleystreetpsychology.com/10-weeks-to-amazing-sex/

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