A night out anywhere in the world holds with it a marvel of interesting sights and experiences. These experiences allow one the opportunity to observe with ease whether a man has a great degree of integrity or not.
The definition of integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. A beautiful phrase to hold in mind is “a gentleman of complete integrity”. Although this is a simple enough definition the words honest and moral are two words, which need to have a conscious and purposeful striving towards before we can get remotely close to its true essence.
Please click the link below to download the full PDF format version of Psyche News March 2015
Psyche News March 2015 (CLICK THE LINK ON THE LEFT)
10 Weeks to Amazing Sex
Sexuality is more often than not only taught to us through reading literature on the subject; being educated at school on how to put a condom on in “sex education 101”; or through encountering “trial and error” in various sexual encounters through life.
What if learning about your sexuality was free from societal stigmas and biases and you had the freedom to enquire into a whole range of life enhancing and highly beneficial techniques and methods which would supplement having wonderful and fulfilling sex… would you want to know more?
I certainly would have taken this option at various stages of my life had it been available to me. I don’t doubt it would have served me very well in knowing how to enhance a sexual relationship adjacent to reducing insecurities in myself and my partner, ultimately reaching the point where sexuality would have been so simple, much like walking. There is no need to look any further if you believe that sex should be better, more invigorating, more special, more real, more connected, more alive… just more…
Researchers find that both men and women who have a satisfactory sex life tend to live longer than people who have an unsatisfactory sex life. You may have come to learn that a good or bad sex life reflects good or bad into almost every other area of your life, including your mental health.
A mistaken “fact” you may have heard that as we get older satisfactory sex lives become diminished—the truth is people with sexual difficulties are getting younger and younger—a reflection that something needs to change in one’s life.
Research has shown that both men and women can enjoy sex into their eighties, or even longer! Like many other things in life, it’s all in “knowing how” and making a few necessary adjustments. This research is based on “satisfactory” sex; imagine how phenomenal your life could be with EXTRAORDINARY sex!
The 10 weeks to amazing sex programme has revolutionised the sex lives of many couples and individuals both heterosexual and homosexual. A misconception is that such a programme is created for unhappy married couples… in actuality 10 weeks to amazing sex has been tailored to suit the needs of married, unmarried, single, heterosexual, homosexual or any sexuality you may subscribe to. What better opportunity to give your partner and yourself a mind blowing sex life whose affect will be long lasting, invigorating, health promoting and impact every other sphere of your life.
You may have heard that “issues with sexuality will ultimately lead to a psychological issue”
I will direct all my energy and knowledge to assist you with clarification to identify behavioural patterns blocking your comfortable functioning and suggest ways that you may use at home to resolve your difficulties. It requires time and effort from both of you. I will work directly with you.
There are no “magical cures”, except the magic that you both create and maintain together
Here are some of the exciting elements that make up the 10 Weeks to Amazing Sex Programme.
- Master Ejaculation Control (Individually and with Partner)
- Master Female Ejaculation (individually and with Partner)
- Take ownership of the Masculine and Feminine within us
- Understand and Manage your Sexual Energy
- Expand the Sensuality of your Body and become Sexually Mindful
- Learn your Language of Love and How to Communicate this
- Develop your own style of Emotional Touch
- The power of Masturbation (Individually or with Partner)
- Embrace Tantric Sexual Techniques
- The Art of Communication
Contact us directly for further information or visit our fees page at: http://www.harleystreetpsychology.com/fees-and-terms/
An orgasm is the peak of sexual pleasure. It typically consists of a series of involuntary muscle contractions in the sexual organs, lower pelvic muscles, and the anus. An orgasm is accompanied by the release of endorphins – opioid-like chemicals produced in the brain that give a feeling of euphoria.
The male experiences rapid, rhythmic contractions of the urethra, the muscles at the base of the penis, and the prostate. Ejaculation of semen usually occurs through the urethral opening of the penis. A male orgasm usually lasts from 4 to about 10 seconds. Ejaculation without orgasm is possible, as is having an orgasm without ejaculation. After an orgasm the male goes through a refractory period – this is a short period after the nerve cell fires during which it cannot respond to additional stimulation. An orgasm cannot occur during the refractory period.
In males, the most common way of achieving orgasm is by the stimulation of the penis.
Female orgasm – beforehand the vaginal walls moisten and the clitoris enlarges. Then the clitoris goes inward under the clitoral hood and the vagina gets about one-third smaller. There are rhythmic contractions of the pelvic muscle, vagina and uterus. Females do not have a refractory period.
If we look at what an obstacle means in relation to an orgasm we find that the word “obstacle” means a potential situation that hinders the individual from reaching an orgasm. Below there are a number of varied situations which both men and women may encounter which may stunt the potential of reaching a full and enjoyable orgasm.
Medication: in the case of medication, there is a change in our body chemistry when we take various chemicals to assist in other problems and disorders. An example of this is if we experience depression. The most common form of treatment for most cases of depression is ZANAX. However many “lay individuals” do not know that when a GP or psychiatrist chooses the most appropriate form of medication to treat the disorder there’re are tried and tested side effects, many of which reduce libido and the sexual arousal response. This occurs differently in men and women: where in men the erection is affected which potentially can delay the orgasm to a point where the man loses his erection and cannot engage in penetration further; in women this can potentially cause secondary or primary anorgasmia which means that the woman has never had an orgasm (Primary) and because of the medication cannot reach orgasm, in comparison to Secondary which occurs in women who have had an orgasm before but because of the medication cannot reach orgasm as a consequence. If you are concerned about this or any medication having an effect on your libido and orgasmic response, get your GP or health professional to check the side effects of the medication and get them to change this to an equivalent but yet equally effective alternative.
Alcohol: Men’s sexual behaviours can be affected dramatically by alcohol. Both chronic and acute alcohol consumption has been shown in most (but not all) studies to inhibit testosterone production in the testes. This is believed to be caused by the metabolism of alcohol reducing the NAD+/NADH ratio both in the liver and the testes; since the synthesis of testosterone requires NAD+, this tends to reduce testosterone production.
As testosterone is critical for libido and physical arousal, alcohol tends to have deleterious effects on male sexual performance. Studies have been conducted that indicate increasing levels of alcohol intoxication produce a significant degradation in male masturbatory effectiveness. Alcohol intoxication can decrease sexual arousal, decrease pleasureability and intensity of orgasm, and increase difficulty in attaining orgasm.
In many women, alcohol increases sexual arousal and desire, although it does lower the physiological signs of arousal. Women have a different response to alcohol intoxication. Studies have shown that acute alcohol consumption tends to cause increased levels of testosterone andestradiol. Since testosterone controls in part the strength of libido on women, this tends to cause an increase in interest in sex. Also, because women have a higher percentage of body fat and less water in their bodies, alcohol can have a quicker, more severe impact. Women’s bodies take longer to process the alcohol which often takes one-third longer to eliminate the substance.
Sexual behaviour in women under the influence of alcohol is also different from men. Studies have shown that increased BAC is associated with longer orgasmic latencies and decreased intensity of orgasm. Some women report a greater sexual arousal with increased alcohol consumption as well as increased sensations of pleasure during orgasm. Because ejaculatory response is visual and can more easily be measured in males, orgasmic response must be measured more intimately. In studies of the female orgasm under the influence of alcohol, orgasmic latencies were measured using a vaginal photoplethysmograph which essentially measures vaginal blood volume.
Psychologically, alcohol has also played a role on sexual behaviour. It has been reported that women who were intoxicated believed they were more sexually aroused than before consumption of alcohol. This psychological effect contrasts with the physiological effects measured, but refers back to the loss of inhibitions because of alcohol. Often alcohol can influence the capacity for a woman to feel more relaxed and in turn, be more sexual. Alcohol may be considered by some women to be a sexual “ dis-inhibitor”.
In both the cases for men and women, be mindful of the amount of alcohol consumption as this is key in experiencing an orgasm or “thinking” that you are having a better sexual experience simply because the alcohol has made you feel more relaxed.
Weight: societal beliefs and opinions on weight are continually varied; however the stigma associated with weight (being too thin or too fat) can have a disastrous impact on ones potential for reaching orgasm both on a physical level and psychological level. People unfortunately internalise society’s definition and beliefs about what it takes to be involved in sex, especially when it comes to body size/shape. These biases impact us on an individual level and not in a good way. However although societal bias can impact the way we relate to our bodies regardless of the shape and size which can place a dampener on our orgasms, New research suggests certain physical conditions that go along with obesity also affect sex drive, further dampening the desires of those who are overweight. The good news: You can make some changes to your body (and how you think about your body) to enhance your libido. You can:
Lose a little weight, even 10 pounds, to stimulate sex hormones
Eat more nutritious foods, which control cholesterol and blood sugar levels
Key your workouts to getting blood flowing to the pelvic area
Pick up a sexy novel and start reading
Accept your body at any size
Believe in your sensuality
How to begin? Start by identifying the physical and psychological obstacles that could be standing in your way to a fulfilling sex life.
Obese people seeking help controlling their weight indicate problems with sex drive, desire, performance, or all three. Often, the latest research shows, these problems can be traced to physical conditions that co-exist with obesity.
Medical conditions such as high cholesterol and insulin resistance [an early indicator of type 2 diabetes] do have the ability to impact sexual performance, which in turn impacts desire, particularly in men.
Because both conditions can cause the tiny arteries in the penis to shut down, particularly when vessel-clogging fatty deposits begin to form, impotence or erectile dysfunction is often the result.
A man who has problems having an erection is going to lose his desire for sex in not too long a time and the same can be said for women as blood flow is inevitably affected if one is obese.
Self-esteem: Self-esteem is one psychological endeavour that can greatly affect the strength and outcome of our orgasmic response. This can affect men and women differently: in women who experience a low level of self-esteem can create a heightened degree of anxiety on a physiological level which can potentially create situations like dyspareunia (painful intercourse).
This is an involuntary muscle spasm that prevents the women from experiencing any form of penetration which in turn does not allow for any form of orgasm to be reached via penetration. Depending on her degree of anxiety and self-esteem there is still potential for clitoral based orgasms but these too can be reduced markedly especially when she becomes over conscious of her body (as an example) and may create an internal dialogue that she is not good enough; or becomes very judging towards herself.
Whereas when men experience issues with their self-esteem, it is unfortunate and quite repetitive but the man experiences an impact on his erection which leads him to lose an erection if he becomes too self-conscious, or experience delayed ejaculation because his mind is playing with the idea that he is lesser than he really is.
By learning to trust yourself and what your body does will allow you greater control over your self-esteem and feel more confident in the bedroom and especially in reaching an orgasm. Ron Jeremy (not your normal looking man) was hairy and overweight, however his appearance never hindered his flawless self-confidence. He could ejaculate by counting down from 10 on every take. This is an indicator of how effective one’s self-esteem can be in achieving or ruining an orgasm.
If at any point you feel that your sex life has been hindered or is not where you feel you want it to be. Please make contact with my team to arrange the most bespoke treatment in reigniting your sex life.
Have a look at our 10 Weeks to Amazing Sex Programme: http://www.harleystreetpsychology.com/10-weeks-to-amazing-sex/
(Images courtesy of Victor Kravcuk)
50 Shades of grey… What does it mean to be a man?
When I picked up my copy of 50 shades of grey, I was pleasantly surprised to see a closer depiction of traits I feel all men have lost in this whole metrosexual movement. Please don’t take me wrong, I am a man who likes to look after himself and I do use face cream and like to smell great… but this way of being and relating to myself has all been handed down to me by my father, uncle and grandfather not as a consequence of metro sexuality-but more a consequence of how real men SHOULD be!
The only difference is that I would classify my role models as real men… more the Steve McQueen (actor) type, rugged good looks but yet with a sense of style, sophistication and the overall sense that “I am a man… and don’t mess with me!”.
It is no wonder that women’s glossies have so much to talk about regarding the shortcomings of men and how they are not living up to the standards that women put out there. Its staring all men in the face why this is… if you need me to spell it out for you here it goes!
Women have worked harder, face adversities in every male context and pushed to get to a point of equality and slowly but surely passing men to take their positions in the work place, in the home and even adopting more masculine ways of relating to others and the world.
I have a little voice in my head that says “well if the men out there aren’t going to be masculine, someone has to do it”.
I couldn’t agree more with my little voice. But what concerns me is that instead of men actually doing something about this, none that I have met (except for the ones I help in therapy) are actually willing to advance themselves and take the bull by the horns and re-establish some kind of balance between the masculine and feminine.
I truly believe that the masculine is designed to be a container for the feminine, and to many this may sound as “oh… he wants men to be above women again!” I by no means want men to be above women in the negative sense, but when I get plenty of women coming to see me and seeking for a man who is more alpha and masculine than they are, it makes me wonder what the hell is going on!…
Going back to 50 shades of grey… the appeal for me in this book is the strength and masculinity portrayed by the protagonist, but yet recognising the absolute position of power and responsibility he has in keeping his “possession” safe, healthy, happy and especially sexually satisfied.
I would love to argue this out with a number of women whose ears would prick up at this, because essentially I feel that many want to be in a relationship where a man can contain their tumultuousness and moods and behaviours AND make them feel like goddesses and free to explore themselves. Shouldn’t this be the case that all men should have grown into masculine entities with the ability to do exactly that… love absolutely everything about their women as though they were their prized possessions and be contained and strong enough in themselves not to be little wimps about it???
I leave you with this statement… there are fewer and fewer men out there who are willing to advance themselves as readily as women have over the last 100 years and shouldn’t we think about how we can help them do this… I surely am!! This is just the beginning.
Have a look at our 10 weeks to Amazing Sex Programme at: http://www.harleystreetpsychology.com/10-weeks-to-amazing-sex/