The truth about developing your sexual style

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The Truth about developing your sexual style

Everything we read nowadays on sex is about how to achieve the best orgasm or how to make your girl squirt or how to be the best lover using a million and one quite useless positions. We don’t believe that the wheelbarrow position is going to induce a greater orgasm for your partner when you are struggling to hold her legs while thrusting into her from behind. What has happened to common sense in the bedroom? What has happened to tapping into our deepest desire for the person in front of us and needing to penetrate them and kiss them with all the vigor that we can muster? As human beings we complicate things… One would think that because we have been having sex for hundreds of years that we would’ve come to the realization that keeping it simple is going to make our lives a hell of a lot easier. In layman’s terms… every time we experience a difficulty in the bedroom, all be it the inability to orgasm, or stress induced erectile dysfunction, or a fear of intimacy we resort to catastrophising about a million and one different things which lead to the conclusion that “I must be experiencing some kind of sexual dysfunction”. Speaking solely about the psychology behind sex, we can assure you that there are far simpler means of becoming the better lover than just applying some techniques that you learn out of a book.

How do you do this you ask?


How do you expect that you going to learn about your body and mind if you don’t give yourself the time and space to explore and understand what both do in unison and separately?

A sportsman spends time with both his body and mind to reach a point of complete harmony and understanding through

To develop a sound sexual style, takes time and effort before a point of harmony can be reached. An example we often use related to men is questioning how they would feel if they lost their erection during sex. The most common answer is experiencing feelings of shame, embarrassment, potential worthlessness and just not being good enough or man enough. Our immediate reaction to their feelings is… Why punish yourself more when clearly there is a valid and appropriate reason for why a man loses his erection. The problem is, because most people are not in balance or harmony with their mind and body, there is an immediate disconnect with knowing where to isolate and locate the problem. Is it in the body or is it in the mind, and when all the catastrophic thinking begins then it becomes a vicious cycle of questioning yourself into a cycle of disrepair.

The mind body split…

The mind body split in the context of sex is based on a trap. Human beings are either living too much in their heads (cognitively) or in our bodies (emotionally). The key is finding a healthy balance where the mind and body are in synch so there is a connection which allows us to be constantly conscious of what is going on in our heads and in our bodies, which allows us to eventually feel more in control of our lives and thinking and feeling.

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Making the connection…

As mentioned, we make things more complicated than is necessary in life and most of us are drawn to chaos and self-destruction, which stems from a confused point in our childhoods. Before we learn how to speak we are faced with a simple life… we are our emotions and we relate completely on an emotional level. This is the manner in which we relate and communicate and because we are children we are forgiven for this expected process. However, when we reach a particular age there is an expectation that communication moves from using our natural emotions (happiness, sadness, and anger) to becoming solely about using our linguistic ability to express our underlying feelings. What occurs next is where we “get it wrong”… We become language!

Language as the precursor to who we become…

This language becomes our primary means of expression and it becomes the overriding factor that dictates our success in a world where emotions have become obsolete. No longer is it permissible to express anger and sadness openly like a child does, instead we have to become calculated and fully present in controlling these emotions. When we apply this to our sexuality, we have moved so far away from using our bodies as the means of expression that we turn the volume up in our heads reinforcing our core beliefs (which more often than not are critical and judging) and reinforce this by the language we use.

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So what is the solution…

Go back to basics! Begin by asking yourself the reasons why you are wanting to engage sexually with someone?

In essence, we all have the desire for closeness and intimacy and without question the incredible feeling of having a hot naked body pressed against us in its entirety.

There has to be two levels of practice. One level begins with the self and the other is shared in relation to another person. Masturbation is essential for men and women and this is no longer about simply having an orgasm, but instead focusing on the full range sensations and feelings that emerge for the individual. Many of us follow an obsolete belief that it is our partners responsibility to provide us the appropriate level of intimacy and sexual care (including orgasm). This is confusing and pressuring and it is very seldom where two novice lovers can learn from each other to the extent and depth of what I would classify as quality love making.

Know yourself and then learn to know your partner! That is a key to becoming more attuned to being a better lover and more connected with your sexuality. Being more present with yourself and knowing the full range of sexually charged emotions and thought patterns you use to get yourself to a point of arousal, will not only assist in inducing a more rapid state of connectedness and intimacy with your lover, but it will save you time focused on being frustrated with your body.

The orgasm is not the B-all and End-all of sex…

Tasting the breath of your lover… feeling the immensity of their skin against your body… the wondrous sensations emanating from your genitals sending delicious messages and tingles throughout your body is what sex is… The orgasm is just the bonus.

Reaching the point of mind and body alignment, the whole experience of having sex becomes a longer, and more enjoyable process where there is a constant feeling of connectedness with your lover because nothing else matters other than being penetrated or penetrating.


To Do List…

  1. Do understand the role of your breath when masturbating and having sex
  2. Do allow yourself to cum whenever your body wants to (early or delayed)
  3. Do bring yourself to be completely present with your lover through being connected to what your body is doing at all times.
  4. Do not criticize or force yourself to move away from distracting thoughts because this will make the thoughts more intense–instead bring yourself back to your breath and connectedness with your lover.
  5. Allow your body to be fluid and be attracted to any area of his or her body that arouses you.
  6. Don’t be afraid to kiss and caress any area of their body or be afraid of allowing your lover to kiss and caress any area of your own body. By having understood the full range of feelings attached to your beautiful body, each kiss will represent something new and wondrous in your sexual encounter.
  7. Do induce a sense of intimacy and intenseness by looking deep into your lover’s eyes, or allow yourself to be captivated by the glorious feelings in your body by closing your eyes.

Learn where each-others limitations are and see how far you can develop a level of trust in one another to push your boundaries


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Dating After Divorce Can Be Easy Or Difficult

Dating After Divorce Can Be Easy Or Difficult

Many people have a difficult time getting back into the dating world after they have been divorced. There is a period of grieving and healing that has to take place. The length of this period is different for each individual person. There is no set amount of time for getting over a divorce. Each situation and each individual are completely unique.

People that have been married for a very long period of time often have the hardest time re-entering the dating world. They have gotten so used to being with their spouse and they have not been on a date in so long. Often, they have forgotten what is involved in dating.

Another thing that is working against them is the fact that times are always changing. There are new forms of dating, people are always changing, and improvements are made to everything. Society forces us to change and adapt. If you have been married for a long time, you will not be aware of the changes that have been made. You are at a loss going into the dating field.

People that are younger and that have not been married for a long period of time will often find it easier to re-enter the dating world. They have not been off the market for as long. They are still pretty fresh.

They know what is involved in dating and what the aspects are. Younger people are much more likely to successfully date after a divorce due to these factors. However, young people that get married are also much more likely to get divorced. This creates a vicious cycle. It also changes the dynamics of the dating world.

If you have a large group of young or middle age people that are all together, chances are the majority of them will have been divorced. Sometimes, people in this situation will have self-esteem issues. They are afraid to get back into the dating scene.

The fact that the majority of young people are divorced makes it easier in some ways for them to start dating again. They are surrounded by peers that have been through the same things that they are going through. Both people are dealing with insecurities, fears, and uncertainties. They tend to click more and enjoy spending time together.

The one thing that divorcees should be careful of when they are re-entering the dating world is the fact that they are on the rebound. Some people like to take advantage of this fact.

They think that they can get what they want or can manipulate the person that is recovering from the divorce. At the same time, some people that have been divorced will be looking for someone to fill the void in their life. This is not appropriate and can ruin the chance for a successful relationship. They give false hopes to other people and end up hurting themselves and the other person.

If you are divorced and looking to get back into the dating world, you need to use caution. It is very possible to have a successful relationship after a divorce. You just need to use proper planning and know what you are wanting. Give yourself time to grieve your loss and get over the feelings that you have towards your ex. This will allow you to start dating with a clean slate and a clear frame of mind.

If at any point you feel you need help with getting back into the world of dating, please contact us and have a word with one of our consultants. We will help you through this period!





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Compatibility Issues Are Key To A Successful Relationship

Compatibility Issues Are Key To A Successful Relationship

Compatibility is important in any successful relationship. This is not to say that you and your partner have to like all the same things and be exactly alike. It is not a matter of having someone that is like a mirror image of yourself to share your time with. In fact, if this were true, there would be issues from the start and the relationship would be doomed to failure.

You want to find a person that enjoys some of the same activities that you do. If you both like completely different things, there is nothing for you to share when you spend time together. It makes the time strained for one person or the other. It also creates uneasiness and can create unhappiness in the end. This will result in the end of your relationship. It is perfectly acceptable to like different things and have a successful relationship. However, you cannot be completely opposite. There has to be some common ground so that you have things to do during your time together.

You will want a person that shares some characteristics with you. Of course you want them to have their own personality and be their own person. The differences are important for success. You will get bored if you are both too much alike. You will also have conflict between yourselves when you get comfortable with each other. There is nothing to add to the relationship. You both exist as one. You have to have some difference to discuss and add spice.

It is important that people in relationships have similar ideals relating to life and events in it. If you are religious, you would want to be with someone that shares religious values. If you have a desire to have a family, then you would want to be with a partner that also has a desire for family. In regards to life ideals, this is where compatibility is a must. There is nothing like finding a person and falling in love with them. You feel that you are destined to be together. Then, you decide to move your relationship forward.

You have your idea of how things are going to be. Your partner all of a sudden crushes your hopes and dreams. They tell you that they do not want children or that they are not interested in the same things that you are. This will bring about a quick end to the relationship and can leave you both devastated. You could also have feelings of resentment or betrayal toward the other person. It becomes a bad situation for everyone involved.

The best thing that you can do when dating is to find someone that is compatible with you. Talk to them about what you like. If there is something that you are completely against, make sure that they know that from the beginning. Tell them what you are looking for and what your ideal match would be like. Talk about characteristics and personality traits. All of these things are important and can help you have a successful relationship.

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